On Why Women (always) fall for the bad guys.
From what I’ve seen (and you may tell me whether I’ve seen enough of not, by the end of this article), heard and realized about women is that “most” of them suffer from low self-esteem.
And they look out for a psychologically opposite personality in the other sex. Okay, to cut down on a lot of unnecessary Freud and Harris, and to put it in a couple of sentences …
When you treat a woman “nicely”, she thinks in two different ways.
She thinks she is being ambitious, thinking and expecting too much, and that she probably doesn’t deserve a nice guy like you. Either that, or she thinks, that she is dumb and easy-to-get and that is why you are being nice to her. In fact, more often than not, she chooses to take the latter thought. She takes it as an offence that you’ve made the effort to be nice to her. You’ve hurt her ego.
Now when the bad guy treats her like shit, she is elated. This is exactly what she had been waiting for. Isn’t it actually re-assuring her faith in herself ? That “she is stupid” and “fit for nothing” and “duh !!”. And that the guy is doing her a favor by being with her. In fact she rejoices in that self image.
These women don’t respect themselves and hence are unable to respect those men, who treat them well.
Most women do complain that their boyfriends/guys they are seeing are complete jerks but they still keep going back to them. Ever wondered why they love being treated like they are insignificant ?
If a guy is available to a woman, all the time, she wouldn’t want him. Come to accept it, we all want what we cannot get. Now, if that man, acts as if the woman is nothing but an annoyance to him, that is when the power struggle starts. The woman starts losing her sleep trying to figure out ways to get him to like her more.
Here are some real reasons why Women fall for the bad guys…
“Bad Guys are unpredictable”
That is something that attracts women. Totally. The control that they cannot have over this guy is what gets them to fall head over heels in love with the bad guy.
“Bad Guys are confident”
They may be jerks, but they are confident. And women like that. The bad guy in control is exactly what this woman wants.
“Bad guys have power”
Bad guys are usually the rebels, who do away with the norms of the society. They live their lives as mavericks, “on-the-move” guys. And a woman just love the perks.
But the strongest point that comes from all quarters is that
“Bad guys are Real”
Yes !! And its kind of true. Come to accept it. Nice guys are rarely nice. Most nice guys think, they are doing the girl a favor by hooking up with her. The nice guy’s niceness is a social strategy, a mask, and a decoy – which is the last thing a woman is looking for in a relationship.
Here are some of the “issues” with “Nice-Guys”.
“Nice Guys are insecure.”
In their anxiety to be liked and loved they do things/favor for people, just to gain acceptance. The woman never knows whether this guy likes her or not.
“Nice Guys overdo it.”
They think they know everything about this dating game, and come on too strong, too hard and too fast. Either this, or they become totally quiet and submissive and expect a friend or some random opportunity to come up so that they can ask the girl out.
“Nice Guys are clingy.”
A side-effect of the insecurity pill. The nice guy is usually clingy because, he is scared that the woman will let him go, for a more attractive guy. He is scared that once the woman comes to know the “REAL” him, she will no longer be interested in him.
“Nice Guys make the wrong picks.”
In their desperate attempt to be nice, they pick up women with psychological problems, drug abuse and personality disorders. Why? Because they are nice guys. The nice guy thinks, by helping this woman, he can make her a more lovable woman, thinking she might be able to appreciate it. And it will also give him a sense of accomplishment and moral advantage over her. Unfortunately this doesn’t happen.
Most guys are nice because they want something out of the relationship, if not now, maybe later. They are just preying. And the woman always lives in constant fear that this guy is after her only for the bodily pleasures and will leave her after that. Not that the risk does not exist with the bad guys, but then she knows the gamble that she is taking in case of a “bad-guy”
The Woman doesn’t want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.
This is not a piece written to pass judgment. I am just portraying both sides of the same coin.
You are welcome to express your opinion in the comments forum.
DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed herein are the personal views of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views/opinions of the magazine itself. If any comments of a personal nature need to me made please feel free to express this privately to the author at their respective @stentorian.com ids.
Written by:
Haricharan
True right? This applies to men as well. Because its human nature to ‘want what we can’t have’… Women treat an emotionally unavailable, confident, bad guy as a conquest. When something is easily available, we don’t value it. Its Human nature.
Very True Sindhu. Yes, the same is applicable to men as well. Nature as you succinctly put it.
Well, this article is a perfect example of overtly simplifying and unabashedly assuming and generalizing traits of women and men. First,to proclaim that ‘most’ women suffer from low-self esteem, there is a need for a robust set of points which would support the blatant declaration. There needs to be an explanation given to what ‘most’ means, is it the ‘most’ number of women that the writer has met or the ‘most’ women of the entire human population on the earth? I feel to proclaim that women fall for ‘bad’ guys and ‘nice’ guys are weaklings, a definition of bad and good must be first defined. Over all this article needs more infallible grounds to support all the self-proclaimed definitions and derivations.
I guess I’ve replied to this below.
Firstly ,to proclaim that ‘most’ women suffer from low-self esteem, there is need for a robust set of points which would support the blatant declaration. There needs to be an explanation given to what ‘most’ means, is it the ‘most’ number of women that the writer has met or the ‘most’ women of the entire human population on the earth? I feel to proclaim that women fall for ‘bad’ guys and ‘nice’ guys are weaklings, a definition of bad and good must be first defined. Over all this article needs more infallible grounds to support all the self-proclaimed definitions and derivations.
Praveen,
You are one of those rare people who have caught that sarcastic strain in the article.. that was so very subtly interwoven.
Yes. I agree that definition for good and bad must be first defined, but we must also keep in mind, that good and bad are relative. Very. For every mom, her boy is a “Good” Boy, but the society’s definition of Good and Bad is again, skewed and relative.
I have written it purely on the basis of my personal opinion, biased as it may sound.
The way u potrayed women in your post is very strange to accept !! But as you may say here IMO!!! I cant talk much……….
So I also want to tell some thing IMO No woman wants to be treated like dirt by the bad guys and women do have self esteem—The way you wrote in your post is in real harsh tone .I don’t want to defend my self or the whole girl population so wont be typing essays here. What a women needs is a guy who can be for sure nice to her not over nice as you said and they both should be able to enjoy each other’s company with out losing each others self esteem
What you are inferring is a very insecure relationship where neither the guy nor girl are sure about what they want and may be both are acting..and both for sure know they don’t have a better choice and take advantage of weak points. Bad guy remains bad and for the reasons mentioned by you may be few girls are attracted towards such boys and nice guys also slowly turn bad as per your analysis. So all in all all guys are bad and so its no matter who ever girls choose right ?
In my opinion not “most” of women suffer from low self-esteem. But may be the ones with psychological disorders and etc etc as mentioned by you suffer from it
May be here you can write most of the women I came across !! and at so many points you can add it as PS I guess!!
I wish you good luck that you come across a nice woman!as they are not extinct
Hi Afshan,
The point here is simple and straightforward. There are too many expectations. What is simple is just not enough for “most” women.
What is your definition of being “overly” nice ? It’s again your perception right ? Your perception of the boy, holding the door open might be cheesy and overly nice, but for him it might be simple etiquette. You may view it as trying to be “too nice” but then that is how he has been brought up. But for the woman, this is not enough.
And I totally agree with the understanding that nice guys also turn bad slowly because end of the day that is what happens. The expectations are so. Frustrated that no girl is “stuck” to him, for the fact he is nice, he vents out his frustration in this sadistic manner. And I totally empathize with the guy here. What the heck is wrong with being nice to a woman. She only takes it for granted. “most” of them.
There are way too many expectations that a woman expects from a “nice” man. She wants him to love her, be nice to her, buy her her necessities. All this is fine, but isn’t it always from her perspective ?. Love her ? The way she wants it to be. Be nice to her. The way she wants him to be nice to her.
The article is intended towards an angle not to pass judgement (which some may say, I already have) but to bring about the perspective of how a nice guy and a bad guy looks at the scenario.
Again, as mentioned in the above comment, Good and Bad are relative. And Skewed. And are victims of perception.
Thanks for your wishes. I am pretty much sure, nice women are extinct. As Dead as a Dodo !!!