How to say ‘No’ to ‘Lets grab a Cup Of Coffee’..

Posted by Haricharan on Apr 13, 2011 in Random | 27 comments

“Hey, why don’t we grab a cup of coffee sometime and discuss this?”
How many of us have heard this line at work? Can you deny it?
No right?
Many of us have become wary of these lines.
Grab a coffee sometime usually means, “I have lots of questions and work to be done by you, and to explain that, I’d need an hour of your time, exclusively for me, where I will bore you to death, by being selfish and talking only about my objectives.”
Are you willing to lose an hour (perhaps even more) to mix “the other person’s love for coffee” with “your availability to do his work”?
Now, how do we solve this awkwardly uncomfortable situation from which you have to wiggle out without making the other person look embarrassed?
Here are some tips.

Inquire.
What is it that the person wants? Attention or Answers?
If it’s Attention, see if you have the time to indulge with the person. Else, simply put it right across. If the person wants Answers, ask him/her to drop you an email or pass you a written note that you can answer leisurely.
Once you raise the topic of writing the questions down you can be sure that the offer of coffee will be long gone. Most people want answers without working for/towards them. You can be sure that they will not be disturbing you.

I have seen from experience that if there is even a marginal amount of work that has to be done by the person, asking you out for a cup of coffee, and if that work is something that really requires some effort, the request for coffee will magically melt away.

Plan.
You HAVE to grab a cup of coffee with this person. Your friend has asked you to help him/her. You are now obliged to do this, for your friend. See if you can shift this “coffee-grabbing” to lunch time, if you are not taking any calls during the lunch time, that is. Tell the other person that the meeting is only for half an hour and ask him/her to come prepared with questions.

Avoid.
Have a policy. Yes!!! Have a policy – “No meetings on Wednesdays and Thursdays.” And of course, MAKE IT KNOWN. Spread the word around, as if it’s some mega-event and has a charisma of its own. When people call you up on phone requesting for a meeting or to “grab a cup of coffee”, tell them with an air that you have a policy of no meetings on specific days.

When you follow this strictly for 3-4 weeks, you will realize that people will stop disturbing you for petty things and the number of “grab a cup of coffee” requests would come down rapidly, as people will begin to realize that you value your time more than they value theirs.

Rank.
There is a huge impact on this “coffee grabbing” scenario depending on whom the request stems from and for what purpose it is for. If they stem from someone in your organization who is at two or three levels higher than you, then even if you know the coffee session is going to be a bore or a waste of time, accept it.

Imagine yourself 3-4 years later asking these very people for favors. Hence even when you accept an invitation, make sure you really make it count.

Group
If there is more than one person, requesting for an “audience” with you, and if all of them have almost similar prospects, group them all together. Give them a common place to group and then at the start of the meeting make sure that the time frame is clearly communicated to them. Also, if you are not in a mood to “purchase a particular kind of product” or are “averse to marketing strategies used by sales people” make it known quite clearly.

People who want to impress you with their Sales record will know better. This way, everybody wins. Your advantage lies in the fact that you have closed all your requests in one shot.

Respect
There are two things to consider here.
The respect the other person has for you.
Google out the person requesting for a meeting. Look for seminal papers or conferences that the person has attended (if technical). If the person is a social media enthusiast, find out his/her contribution. His/her employment history will talk volumes. See if they have some fixed career path and know where they are heading. Now relate yourself to their career path and see if you fit yourself into it. If you can, then you can be sure that the meeting must be worth it.

Respect that your body has for caffeine.
If you are drinking way too much caffeine, avoid Coffee at all costs. Tell it out loud.


Redirect
If you feel that a person who has requested for coffee is actually offering you something that you do not want, but feel that a friend/colleague might be interested in, do not hesitate to re-direct. This does not mean you contribute to spam or mindless re-direction. You are trying to be helpful – to your friend and to your requester.

But…
… More often than not, “Let’s grab coffee” is a meaningless, throw-away line. People use it all the time. It is perhaps the most clichéd term ever. People use it on different people in different contexts. It could be a way to end a conversation. It could also be a way to indicate that you have very little interest in the person. It could also mean you are simply being social and inviting the other person for a coffee, knowing fully well, that you are only doing it for the sake of it.

To sum it up,
* The polite answer is either “I’d love to” or “Sorry I can’t.” Be straightforward but not apologetic.
*Ask them to tell you what they expect the outcome of the meeting/session in two lines. If they can do that and if that outcome is something that you desire or in your favor, the meeting should be worth it.
*Make them pay for the coffee!!!